Conversations In My Head

I think it might actually be time to get my head checked. I've been getting progressively crazier over the years, but I've reached a whole new level. As usual, I'm blaming my kids for making me stupid. My mom always said that your brain goes through the birth canal. (Sorry, Paula, that visual really grosses me out.) Apparently, five times over was more than my addled brain could take.

I just discovered this phenomenon where I am having conversations in my head... in lieu of actual conversations with real people. For some reason if someone texts or emails me, I think about the response I'd give them, and then promptly forget to actually send it. Sometimes, I get caught up in daily life... I'm at work, I'm bathing all of these dirtballs, I'm trying to feed a pack of hungry wolverines (also known as my kids), and I think that I'll type out that response as soon as I get a quiet minute. And then I lose my mind. Shit flies out of my brain so fast these days that I might be in need of a serious gingko biloba infusion. 

The problem is, I'm responding in my head and my little mental checklist just checks that off and moves on to the next thing. I'm not really sure how to combat this. So here's a little public service announcement:

If you sent me a text, email, or other such message, know that I had some pertinent, witty, and well-written response to your message. In my head. Just make up whatever you want to hear. That's what I meant.

So... If you sent me a message, email, text, or tweet and I haven't responded, I'm not ignoring you. I just have no brains left. Good thing I have all of these kids to care for me when I'm old. They might have to start in year or two.

Don't laugh when you see me with six strings tied to my fingers...

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Who Am I Kidding?

I'm having a really hard time getting into a proper routine this school year. I just can't seem to get my act together. All of my good intentions of getting organized this summer very quickly fell by the wayside. Needless to say, I just haven't been getting out of the house fast enough in the morning to get the kids to school on time. Poor Patrick is in a right state when we arrive 3-5 minutes late. When it comes to school, he is a strict rule follower (at home is another story).

Imagine, then, how proud I was feeling on Wednesday. My mom, Lala, arrived at 7 am to take care of Charlotte. I got the rest of the gang into the car and headed out in record time. We were sure to not only be on time, but actually arrive early to school. I would even have time for a little coffee break between dropping off the kids and getting myself to work. (In my next life, my children and I will all be at a school that is close to our house. This "three separate towns" thing is a real pain in my behind.)

The whole time I was driving, I was having that nagging feeling of having forgotten something. I kept going over the possibilities in my head:

I have my purse.
I have my work bag and computer.
I have all four backpacks.
I packed their lunches and waters in their backpacks.
{glancing in the rearview} I have four kids in the car.
{totally relieved} I remembered to leave Charlotte with Lala.

I felt like I had run through all of the things I could have forgotten during the first 15 minutes of our drive. And then I looked at the road and realized the problem. Of course, this realization was accompanied by a loud shout of "what the fuck?" (Please, hold my Mother of the Year Award application for next year.) 

When I actually stopped thinking and paid attention to my surroundings, I realized what I had forgotten. I had forgotten that I was DRIVING THE WRONG WAY! For 15 minutes, I had been heading straight to work. Now, I had to reroute and hope to get the kids to school only a few minutes late. Gah! 

The kids' school has an automated system where you check in when you are late. After you press "Tardy" on the touch screen, it gives you options for your tardiness (doctor's appointment, traffic, etc.). I told Patrick to look for the button that says, "My mother is nuts." If they don't have one yet, they should probably add it soon. My kids are going to need it.

I feel your pain, White Rabbit...

HEY... If you enjoy the blog, why not become a follower? I'm the one who's losing her mind. You can also stalk find me on Facebook and Twitter. Like the page and follow me!

---->P.S. Don't forget to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs. Click that cute little brown button on my sidebar to vote for me...

**And be sure to visit my Zazzle store. Don't you need a new coffee mug?

Only Me...

I routinely do stupid things. They're always unintentional, but stupid nonetheless. Maybe it's because I have a million kids. Maybe I'm just absent-minded. Regardless, it seems that things like this only happen to me. For example, I once got in the car to drive the kids to school and thought, "Wow, the gas is really low. I better get some as soon as I drop the kids off." I no sooner had the thought than it was gone from my mind. Don't worry. It all came back to me when I ran out of gas driving up a hill on the way home (with 3 little ones in the car). This is one of those stupid things I do. My car has a gas gauge. It even tells you how many miles you can go before it's empty. Duh.


Yesterday, I decided to go into work on my day off. I wanted to get a few things done that a co-worker was helping me with. I dropped the big kids off at school and took the two little ones with me. I decided not to park in the lot because I didn't want to get blocked in. After 2 hours at school, the kids were getting tired and I knew I had to pick Sophie up soon for her early release day. I went out to the street with Charlotte on my hip and Sean holding my hand thinking about the fact that they would take a great nap in the car. Only to find my car gone. And, unless there was a team of thieves who were hard at work emptying that side of the street, it had probably been towed. I don't work on Fridays. I didn't realize that there are some Fridays that are street cleaning days. So, there I stood, two kids, no car and a child who needed to be picked up in less than two hours.


Thank God for my father-in-law (the same person who brought me gas last year)! He tracked down my car at the random lot it had been towed to, picked me up at school, brought me to the tow yard, and I managed to get to Sophie's school with 1 minute to spare. I really need to get him a white horse for the next time he needs to ride to my rescue! 


My favorite part of all of this was the breakdown of the bill from the towing company: 
$90 - towing 
$35 - storage of vehicle (for a whopping 2 hours) 
$15 - towing for 10 miles 
$6.51 - other (what "other" charges could there be?) 
Grand total - $146.51. To go to work on my day off. Ouch. (Side note: I take great pride in the fact that the tow guys told me I was the nicest tow customer they ever had! My new claim to fame.)


The whole thing just makes me laugh. I'm the only person I know who does stupid things like this. I told the story to everyone I talked to yesterday because it was just so ridiculous. When I told my mom, she acted like a real mom and suggested that there was a lesson to be learned from this experience. (I'm sure she was suggesting that I should start reading street signs.) But she is right. Lesson learned: Don't go to work on your day off!