A Special Kind of Torture

Every parent, at some point, whines complains about sleep deprivation. It's like a special badge of honor that needs to be worn with great pride. I never bothered to talk about it too much because I am one of those weird people who survives remarkably well on small amounts of sleep (and extra large coffees). I've been in training since college when I rarely completed an assignment unless it was due the next day.


Lately, though, I'm feeling a little whining coming on. In the last few weeks, Charlotte has developed an endearing new behavior that involves:

• waking up between 1 am and 3 am
• screaming
• crying
• throwing herself on the floor
• being completely inconsolable
• saying 'NO' to anything I ask her
• "Do you want some milk?" "NO!"
• "Do you want me to hold you?" "NO!"
• "Do you want to lay down with me?" "NO!"
• "Do you want some M & M's and a pony ride?" "NO!"
• (At least she's consistent.)

This fun little game usually goes on for a few hours. HOURS. Inevitably, she settles down about 20 minutes before my alarm goes off. That's when she gets all cute. She lays next to me in my bed and says, "Mama, want a kiss?" I say yes, but I'm really thinking that I'd rather punch her in the nose and get those hours of my life back. Then, like a true champ, she falls asleep as my alarm is buzzing. Which means I'm going to go teach small children on two hours sleep. For the second or third time in a week. And then, when work is over, I'll come home to my own preschool that is my family. It's like being a hamster in the Hamster Wheel from Hell. (Side note: doesn't that sound like some kind of screwed up carnival ride at one of those traveling carnivals that sets up in church parking lots? Apparently, I ramble when I'm tired.)

So, here's to hoping it's a phase. Maybe she's growing. Maybe she's teething. Maybe she's just an asshole. (I don't think that last one's true but, if I'm being honest, I do think it in the wee hours of the morning.) Whatever it is, I hope it ends soon. There's nothing like being so tired that you wake up with a hangover - without all the fun of binge drinking.

This is the only thing that is keeping me at some level of function.

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