Christmas Eve Photos

Every year, we kick off the Christmas festivities with Christmas Eve at my mom & stepdad's house. Lala & Monka (as the kids call them) host my family, my sister's family, and my stepsister and her fiancé. It's a great start to the many Christmas celebrations we have.

It's always nice to take traditional family photos to commemorate special occasions.

Here's a lovely shot of me, my mom, my sister, & my niece.

Sometimes, though, you need to add a few Newells to realize that photos can be so much more fun.

Why take a nice picture when you can just make crazy faces at each other. Although, Lala is still trying for that perfect family shot. Come on, Lala, make a silly face already!

Here's a cute shot of some of the ladies in the family. My stepsister, myself, my mom, my sister (of Facebook prank fame), and my two nieces:

Normal is so last year...

Here's where even Lala starts to get in on the action:

Super attractive. Don't hate us because we're beautiful. (I love a good 1980's Pantene reference.)

We tried to get a shot that included all of the little ladies in the family:

Then my sister decided to look like someone who's been let out of the loony bin on a weekend pass:

So special

We got a shot of the men in the family, but they're no fun and just looked normal:

We also like to get the annual shot of the grandkids on the stairs:

But the teenager kept making faces to see if anyone would notice (we didn't until after):

We see your duck face, brat.

Duck face can only be improved upon by adding a goofy peace sign. Thanks, Deirdre.

And, yes. I'm aware that Patrick looks just like me here. Poor kid.

Auntie K also introduced the kids to the game "Ball of Tape" where a million crappy toys are rolled up into a giant ball of packing tape. The kids take turns struggling to unwrap the toys while the next person tries to roll doubles with dice in order to get their hands on the ball. The kids had a blast until a tiny bottle of bubbles burst inside the ball. Then the game became the ever so popular extreme version known as Slippery Ball of Tape. Incredibly frustrating and slimy!

And the game begins...getting that tape started was tough!

Every time Regan got her hands on the ball, Patrick would steal it with an immediate roll of doubles.

Pull, Patrick!

Now we're getting some prizes!

Sophie was rolling like a madwoman!

Thank goodness Deirdre was there to supervise and help Charlotte!

We'll finish out the pictures with a shot of Charlotte doing her best Jack Nicholson impression:

Did you take any silly family photos this holiday season?

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The Day After...

Not to be repetitive, but it's the day after Christmas. I'm in pretty much the same state as last year. 

• I had to put all five kids in the car to go get coffee because I forgot to add that to the pre-Christmas grocery list.
• The house (which I had cleaned for Christmas) is in shambles. 
• The dishes are overflowing the sink because I was still running the first load of cooking and baking stuff when 15 people came for Christmas dinner. (And, a few beers into the evening, the dirty dishes seem far less important.)
• My daughters have changed their clothes 87 times this morning and I have no idea what is what anymore.

Clothes, clothes everywhere

• I have put in no less than 4 million AA & AAA batteries. I hate those damn tiny screws.
• Yesterday, I spent almost 90 minutes putting together Charlotte's new dollhouse - only to find out that Santa didn't realize the box said "dolls not included." And, even though Charlotte is a giant for her age, she won't be able to see the top floor for a few more years. 

That's a lot of dollhouse!

• I'm still rummaging around for something to dip in my satay sauce because the chicken is gone. (roast beef? bagel crisps? marshmallows?)
• The kids need to stop trying to cram into the Glow Crazy doodle tent together. It's definitely not made for more than two kids.

This isn't going to end well. 

In all, it's been a great Christmas. The kids got tons of stuff from Santa, family, & friends. I can only hope the chaos of the last few days makes them tired enough to fall asleep before PJ & I tonight. We could really use one quiet night on the couch before we attempt to find a place for even more stuff in our house!

What about you...did you survive the chaos of Christmas?

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Christmas Wish List

Yes, yes, it's that time of year. Or it has been since the stores started selling candy canes in September. I don't usually ask for much at Christmas. I have 87 5 kids, after all, and it tends to revolve around them.

This year, I'm making a list. Just in case you want to get me a little something. Wink wink. Nudge nudge.

My Christmas List

• A little extra patience. I'm not sure which place sells this, but it's probably not Walmart or Target. Maybe BJ's has it in bulk?
• Five minutes to pee without anyone shouting to me through the bathroom door. Seriously. WTF, kids?
• OR, soundproof bathroom doors.
• Gift cards that I can't spend on my kids or use to pay bills. 
• OR, a winning Powerball ticket. Don't you know how many kids I have? These silly fools are expensive.
• A maid. 
• One night in a bed all by myself. NO visitors allowed. None.
• Three or four extra hours in a day to "get it all done." Yes, I am fully aware that none of this shit will be done until the kids move out. I can dream, can't I?
• An ounce of willpower to stop eating every holiday treat in sight. I'm just about to undo all of my hard work.
• A carpet for the floor of my car that magically repels chicken nuggets, chocolate milk and other kid detritus. I'm tired of PJ referring to the floor of the car as "the petri dish."
• A financial backer for my new business plan. Picture it: a mobile Dunkin Donuts truck that delivers coffee to desperate moms. I am speaking from personal experience here. There is nothing worse than being stuck at a playground with no caffeine. Or being at home with the kids and out of coffee. Come on, I'm onto something here!
• Leather chaps. That way, every time one of the munchkins in my house grabs me around the legs, I can just use a sponge to remove the evidence of dirty hands and faces. Plus, my wardrobe is really missing something. It must be chaps.
• A fairy godmother. Just because that would be awesome. And, if you all went in on one together, that would negate the rest of the list.

Okay. I've given you all a few ideas. Good luck with your shopping!

What's on your list this year? Leave a comment below...

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'Tis the Day After Christmas

'Tis the day after Christmas, the house is a mess.
I can't find the energy to get myself dressed.


My plan is to lay around acting so lazy,
While hunting for food to dip in leftover gravy.


{choices:fruity pebbles, uncooked pasta, or frozen breadsticks}


The house is littered with millions of parts.
There's no telling where or when organization will start.


The dishes are piled high in the sink.
Maybe I'll get to them before they stink?


Meanwhile, the kids are all happily amused.
Not a single new toy has gone unused.


So today I will sit and continue relaxing,
Because tomorrow's clean up is sure to be taxing.


Another Christmas has passed, we're still full of cheer.
Let's carry it into the next New Year!


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!


****NOTE:


I was even too lazy to upload a picture of the ripped wrapping paper and opened presents. I intended to find an appropriate picture online. Unfortunately, image searches for "ripped wrapping paper" and "unwrapped presents" brought up quite a few inappropriate images. Clearly, I'm behind on some slang.

'Twas the Day Before Christmas...

'Twas the day before Christmas and all through my home
My children are acting like psychotic gnomes.


So full of excitement and crazy-eyed glee,
It appears their sole purpose is to drive me crazy.

Their movement is made up of quick jerks and jumps
Which soon result in numerous bumps.

Why speak to each other to say what you mean,
When thoughts can be conveyed through ear-splitting screams?


Threats of the naughty list no longer hold power
When Santa is coming in just a few short hours.


The Elf on the Shelf has abandoned me now -
He uselessly watches from the tree's highest bough.


I continue to try to get everything done
While the children just run (and run and run).


I'll frantically attempt to complete each task,
Is a little quiet too much to ask?


Here we are now, at the end of the line.
Santa is coming - it's almost time.


Bedtime can't come quite soon enough,
So tomorrow we'll revel in too much new stuff.


And there we will sit amidst a huge mess
And know it's just another chaotic Christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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Christmas Madness

It's crunch time, people!


Sorry. I felt like that was necessary. The only thing anyone seems to talk about right now is how much they need to get done before Christmas arrives in less than two weeks. There seem to be two camps of people out there. The "I've had all of my gifts purchased and wrapped for weeks" gang and the "how the hell am I going to do the eighty-five thousand things on my list??" posse. If you have a conversation with either group, it tends to leave you feeling a little less than the Christmas spirit. The first bunch will give you a smug smile and boast about the fact that they've been all done for ages. The second bunch will have that panicked look in their eyes and proceed to tell you every single thing they have yet to do.


I am very happily in my own group altogether. Feel free to join me. I am in the "procrastination is the only way I know how to do anything and it doesn't stress me out at all" crowd. Although, I'm not too sure you can call it a crowd. PJ and I are happy to do everything last minute. This is how we roll. We sit down one night and do a bunch of shopping online. Then, we have my in-laws babysit one evening and make a date night of picking up anything that we need to get in the stores. Inevitably, this all happens about a week before Christmas. It's fun and we never have an issue getting it all done. I'm also happy to continue the tradition of staying up until 3 am on Christmas Eve and wrapping everyone's presents while A Christmas Story plays on repeat. I just have to remember to have some yummy snacks on hand so I don't steal Santa's cookies and milk. Goodness knows, the reindeer's carrots don't tempt me at all.


Lately, I have been fielding a new question. (Apparently, people are over the "are they all yours?" question for the moment.) "Have you finished your shopping?" This is where I smile and say, "No. We haven't even started yet." I wish I could properly type the gasp that I get as a response. Even the panicked posse shuts up for a minute. 


I don't love to shop. I also don't like crowds. Add in the wild-eyed lunatics that are out hunting for one last gift - and will happily knock you down or pepper spray you to get it - and I start to lose it altogether. I feel my skin begin to crawl when I drive by the mall and watch the cars slowly stalking anyone who walks through the lot just to get a parking spot. The less time I spend dealing with that, the better for everyone.


So, we bang out our shopping in an evening or two. We make most of our purchases online. Then we sit back and enjoy the festivities without having gone nuts for months in advance. It's fun and it works for us. But, who am I kidding? I don't do anything without procrastinating anyway!

Bring your pepper spray!

Get a good spot!

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The Elf on the Shelf

 We have the Elf on the Shelf in our house. When he first came to us two years ago, the kids named him Fred Paul (these are the same kids who tried to name Charlotte Cherry Sprinkles). Every year, on the day after Thanksgiving, he returns to us from the North Pole. Except for this year, when he had to make an early appearance due to some fresh behavior. I warned them that it might happen. Sure enough, a few days before Thanksgiving, he had returned to his favorite shelf in the living room to watch over my little angels. {snicker}


The kids adore Fred Paul. They jump out of bed every morning to see where he might be sitting after his nightly visit to the North Pole. They leave him little notes and questions about Santa (that he answers for them every night). Unfortunately, the first question this year was, "Do raindears {sic} fart?" Aside from potty humor, they do try to behave a little bit better when reminded of the fact that he makes a nightly report to Santa about them. As of yet, they haven't become aware of his general creep factor.


Fred Paul reminds me of all of the dolls and clowns I was afraid of as a grown-up child. He's got eyes that follow you (seriously, walk back and forth - he's still looking right at you) and a little smirk that says, "I'll be coming to life while you're sleeping..." My twisted imagination draws very sinister conclusions. Not only that, but he is sent here from the North Pole to watch our every move. I'm pretty certain they've developed laws in most states that define that as stalking. I am fully aware that, as an adult, I should really be able to handle the inanimate objects in my house. There must be some unresolved childhood issues at work here because I am still waiting for Lucy's American Girl doll to open her eyes and talk to me when I check on the kids every night.


Seriously, though... I am positive that if I ever let the kids watch the clown scene in Poltergeist, they might view Fred Paul a little differently, too. For now, I'll happily use his powers to control my children's behavior - as long as he doesn't kill me in my sleep.

You never know where he'll turn up!

Look at those eyes - sweet elf or evil clown?

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