Fighting

Considering the fact that I have 87 5 kids (and we don't live in a ginormous palace), they get along remarkably well. Until they don't. Inevitably, when I make a phone call or close the bathroom door, some fight will break out. The more important the phone call, the stupider the fight will be. I suppose, when the oldest is only 9, we can't really have serious issues to argue about. But, I'm convinced my kids fight about the most inane things just to mess with me. They're trying to make me lose my mind. Then they can just sit me in a rocking chair in the corner while they trash the house and eat gummy worms for breakfast. But, I digress...

Here are some of our latest arguments:

• Sean used the toilet. Charlotte barged in because she wanted to flush for him. Apparently, flushing the toilet is great excitement, because all I heard was ear-splitting screams coming from the bathroom while they both had their hands on the handle to the toilet. I had to break it up by not letting either of them flush and doing it myself. They both ended up in tears. I bet the Mayans didn't predict the end of the world would start in my bathroom.
• I'd like you to dust off my Mother of the Year award for this one. I'll start with how it ended. Me (shouting): "Just shut up and work it out!" Patrick and Lucy were screaming at me outside the bathroom door (there I go, again, thinking I can pee in peace). What were they screaming about, you ask? Apparently, Patrick kept moving his seat away from Lucy at the table. All the while, taking the plate of bacon with him. All I could hear was, "He keeps sitting near the bacon." "But, I want to be near the bacon!!!!" Can you blame me for telling them to shut up? Or suggesting that one of the two geniuses get another plate for the bacon?
• Sean and Charlotte also had a screaming match over who got to plug the charger into my computer. It becomes some kind of weird stand-off where they just stare at each other and scream. So far, the neighbors haven't called the cops. I guess I can't count on them if disaster ever strikes. They'll just assume it's my kids.
• Sophie was crying because Patrick made her Mii ugly on his 3DS. Of course, being a typical big brother, he enjoyed this immensely. Her Mii is hysterically ugly, but I can't laugh because I'm supposed to be the grown-up here.

I'm pretty sure this resembles Guy Fieri more than Sophie.

Please tell me I'm not the only one whose kids fight over the stupidest stuff. Leave a comment below to share your stories. I'll read them from my rocking chair in the corner when my mind is finally gone.

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