Dumb Ways To Parent...

Have you seen the "Dumb Ways to Die" app? If not, you should. It's pretty funny. At the very least, click the link and go listen to the song. Go ahead. I'll wait right here. (It makes this post so much funnier if you actually know what I'm talking about.)

Apparently, this song - and the app that eventually stemmed from it - was meant to be a public service announcement to teach people in Australia to be safe around trains. It lists numerous "dumb" ways to die and you basically get the understanding that it's also dumb to not be safe around trains.

My good friend, Dawnie (her pet name at my house), decided it was totally appropriate to show Patrick the app (because it is so fun to play). He loved it and got approval to download it. AND... since we all share an iTunes account, all of the other knuckleheads play it, too. There's really nothing like hearing Charlotte (in all her three year-old splendor) sing about setting fire to your hair and poking sticks at grizzly bears with a faint Australian accent.

Little did I know, however, that the game and its catchy little tune might actually become educational. Sophie is getting to that age where she is one of the big kids in the house and can start to do a lot more for herself & others. This includes making toast with butter for herself and the little kids. She loves to do it (because the novelty of helping out the little kids hasn't worn off, yet). 

Yesterday, she was sitting on the counter waiting for the toast. When it popped, she realized that the bread was a little small and she couldn't quite get it out. So she announced that she was going to grab a fork. That's when Sean stepped in to save the day:

{singing} "Get your toast out with a fork... Do your own electrical work... Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die...

Sophie, don't you know you can get electrocuted doing that??"

Please appreciate the fact that he was laughing at her. And he just turned 5. I should thank the people of Melbourne for helping my kids out with that important life lesson. I should probably go over some basic kitchen rules, while I'm at it. 

Yikes

So, if you're too lazy to teach your kids basic safety, teach them the song. At least they'll go through life knowing it's not okay to "teach yourself how to fly" or "eat a two week-old unrefrigerated pie."

HEY! If you enjoy the blog, why not become a follower? I'm the one who's teaching safety through song. You can also stalk find me on Facebook and Twitter. Like the page and follow me!

**And be sure to visit my Zazzle store. Don't you need a new coffee mug or apron?

-->Have you played the game, too? (I can't get the toast out!) Feel free to share your story in the comments below...

Tuesday's Tip (#38)

Here's a tip for you:

Don't switch jackets.

Don't grab your other coat when you leave for work tomorrow. If you do that, you might get all the way to your kids' school (which isn't remotely close to where you live) and realize that you can't grab the coffee and gas (fuel & fuel) that you need because you left your debit card in your other jacket. Then you will be forced to rush all the way back to where you started your morning (over an hour ago) to grab that damn debit card and you may end up cheering the fact that you were only 5 minutes late after getting coffee and gas (fuel & fuel).

Sometimes, I make my life much harder than it needs to be. Please, learn from my mistakes.

Have a tip to share? Or a solution for my forgetfulness? Feel free to leave a comment below...

...& be sure to check back every Tuesday for a new tip!

Nothing Is Safe

We have a dog. His name is Rondo. Rondo is still technically a puppy and he has a chewing problem. He has a particular fondness for toys. And - apparently - no toy is tastier than a baby doll. Charlotte, being a somewhat typical three year old, loves baby dolls. She has quite a few of them. Their names are: Tiny Baby (because it's small), Naked Baby (self-explanatory), Glen Davis (she was formerly known as Big Baby, but Patrick renamed her and it stuck), and New Baby (a new baby - duh).

Recently, I posted a picture to Twitter of what happened after Rondo got to Naked Baby. This was all that remained:

Sophie, knowing my fear of dolls, thought it would be cute to leave the severed baby head at the end of my bed. Maybe she's been watching The Godfather, again?

Today, I stumbled upon a whole, new tragedy. Glen Davis (not the basketball player) is no longer with us. Now, Glen Davis used to creep me out all on her own. (Yes, Charlotte called the doll Glen Davis AND insisted it was a girl.)

Little creep giving me a thumbs-up

Now, we've reached horror movie level of scary:

Dear God, he pulled off the face!

GAH!

I see a resemblance...

My doll fears can all be traced back to Chucky, by the way. Thanks, dad, for never telling me "no" when I asked you to take me to a scary movie.

We're all a little traumatized by Rondo's latest doll massacre. Let's hope New Baby (a.k.a. Glen Davis, Jr.) can stay out of his jaws. I'll just be over here making sure all of the dolls are up high and singing Doll Parts by Hole. Wish me luck.

HEY! If you enjoy the blog, why not become a follower? I'm the one who's singing Doll Parts (much to my kids' chagrin). You can also stalk find me on Facebook and Twitter. Like the page and follow me!

**And be sure to visit my Zazzle store. Don't you need a new coffee mug or apron?

-->Do you think dolls are creepy, too? Or have an obnoxiously destructive pet? Feel free to share your story in the comments below...

Tuesday's Tip (#37)

Here's a tip for you:

Turn the music up. Loud.

Sometimes my job entails dealing with children who spend a good portion of their day with very little self-control. This makes coming home to a house full of children a little challenging. Oddly enough, my solution is to this problem is to cook dinner. When I cook, I kick everyone out of the kitchen and turn up the stereo. Loud. It drowns out whatever fun (or fights) my kids might be having. It also gives me a half hour without kids. Just long enough to decompress from work and be able to actually appreciate them, again. 

I've talked about our own little brand of music therapy before. It works. It's my little bit of "me" time. And, if the kids aren't getting along (or they're acting completely insane), it doesn't even matter. My stereo is great - I can't hear a thing they're doing.

Have a tip to share? Or great song I should listen to while I'm blasting my music? Feel free to leave a comment below...

...& be sure to check back every Tuesday for a new tip!

Snow Conflict

We've got a major conflict in our house when it comes to the snow. You see, I'm a teacher (& my kids are kids), so we always love an unexpected day off due to snow cancellations. What's better than a little vacation day midweek? The problem is PJ's job. As soon as it snows more than an inch, he gets called into work. 

Two weeks in a row, my school district has cancelled school for Wednesday before the snow had even begun. Both times, Tuesday afternoon or early evening, I already knew I had a midweek day off. For me, that felt celebration-worthy. Unfortunately, PJ already knew he'd be heading into work at 1 am to help manage the snow removal. On a normal day, he already has issues getting up to an alarm. Obviously, waking up at 1 am is going to be a real challenge for him. So, I set my alarm to help him out, and get stuck listening to the God-forsaken evil laugh that comes out of his Wake N Shake app. I've already talked about what that experience is like.  

After he leaves for work, I end up lying awake in the middle of the night (trying to shake off the scare that comes with his crazy alarm). Luckily, I have the luxury of sleeping in on a snow day, but it is a bummer that he can't enjoy the day off, too. We definitely spend the winter watching the weather for very different reasons. 

Don't tell PJ, but I hear there's another storm brewing for this Wednesday... {doing a snow dance}

That snow man was taller than I am!

HEY! If you enjoy the blog, why not become a follower? I'm the one who will be in school until the last day of June. You can also stalk find me on Facebook and Twitter. Like the page and follow me!

**And be sure to visit my Zazzle store. Don't you need a new coffee mug or apron?

-->Do you like snow days, too? Feel free to share your story in the comments below...

Tuesday's Tip (#36)

Here's a tip for you:

Change your name to Mary. Or Joe.

My name is Lissie. It's not hard to say. It rhymes with Missy. For some reason though, whenever I go to Starbucks, they really struggle with it. It's not like I'm asking for an Americano for Regina Phalange. I don't think my name is too unusual, but I can understand the confusion with "Lizzie."

(Not my name, but understandable and acceptable.)

I can also understand spelling it with a "y."

(Okay...not quite what I was thinking.)

Lately, though, they're not even close. I don't think I mumble. And I'm fairly certain that I e-nun-ci-ate.

Last week I had "Liney" and "Lieu." The same woman waits on me every day. She's very nice and wonderfully efficient. But, every day I say "Lissie." Then, repeats it back to me. I say the "S" and she repeats the "S." Does she just struggle with writing the "S"?

(Leei? How do I even pronounce that?)

(Lize rhymes with lies? I kind of like that. Say it slowly. It sounds fancy. "There goes Lize with her Venti Americano...")

So, I'm just going to change my name. Tomorrow, I'll have a Venti Americano for Bob. They can't possibly go wrong with that.

Have a tip to share? Or an unusual name? Feel free to leave a comment below...

...& be sure to check back every Tuesday for a new tip!

Crazy Town

I grew up as the youngest of two children. My sister is 6 1/2 years older than I am (don't listen to her when she tries to pretend she's the younger sister). My house was pretty quiet as a kid. We were just far enough apart that we entertained ourselves. This is why my mom's most frequent statement in my house is: "This house is crazy."

To some degree, I understand. The day-to-day routine with 5 kids and an obnoxious (& ginormous) puppy is much more hectic than a house with a 6 and 12 year old could ever be. 

What my mom doesn't realize is that, sometimes, it is legitimately crazy around here. My children are insane. They're great at entertaining themselves, but that just means that they've invented some bizarre new game. 

Here are a few recent highlights of these whack jobs in action:

Charlotte told me she's "pretending to be Baba." Baba is PJ's 90 year old nana who likes to wear leopard print clothes. A lot. Apparently, Baba's fashions haven't escaped Charlotte's attention.

Thanks to Rondo, the dog. I can only assume this is the aftermath of a puppy keg party. He really needs to learn to hide the evidence.

I'm assuming this look stems from a night of drinking, too. Or, Charlotte is trying that new topless ninja look that is all the rage. (Side note: why do my children have such an aversion to clothes?)

And then there are the photo edits they do to themselves (or each other):

Nice look, Lulu!

Lucy's interpretation of Sophie.

We've discussed my issue with dolls. They scare the crap out of me. 

This is one of Charlotte's favorite toys. It's also the creepiest. (Sorry, Grammy!) But there she sits - with her crazy crossed eyes - just mocking me with a big, old thumbs up.

At least Creepy Baby and I share taste in beer. (Is she making funny eyebrows at me?? {waggle, waggle})

If they're not acting crazy, they're sleeping crazy. Sean's either a yoga master or suffering from narcolepsy. Here he is sleeping face down on the carpet while 20 people yell and scream at the Patriots on TV. Impressive.

Charlotte invites herself, creepy baby, and the (not tiny) dog to join me in bed. She didn't want me to be lonely. How thoughtful!

Group coma, everyone!

One thing is for sure: being crazy certainly wears them out. So... at least I have that going for me in this insane asylum that I call home.

In case you're wondering what antics they get up to when left to they're own devices, here is a clip of what happens when Patrick & Sophie "entertain" themselves:

Big Box O' Crazy

HEY! If you enjoy the blog, why not become a follower? I'm the one who thinks crazy is the new normal. You can also stalk find me on Facebook and Twitter. Like the page and follow me!

**And be sure to visit my Zazzle store. Don't you need a new coffee mug or apron?

-->Is your house crazy, too? Feel free to share your story in the comments below...