Tuesday's Tip (#10)

#10! Whoa - Tuesday's Tips are into double digits!


Here's a tip for you:


Choose your battles.


Really, this applies to most of life. But, when it comes to parenting, this is especially poignant. You need to know when it's important to lay down the law and when you should just let something roll. Kids do lots of crazy things. You'll drive yourself nuts trying to make them conform to your sense of normal.


Take last night, for example. Charlotte had one of her lovely screaming fits that she hadn't had in a few weeks. She started around midnight and was inconsolable for well over an hour. She finally progressed to making words and kept crying "shoulder." This meant she wanted to listen to "Put Your Head on My Shoulder" by Paul Anka. On repeat. (Thanks, Lala!)


While "shoulder" was working it's magic (& making me want to start screaming), Charlotte was coming back into reality and finally started talking instead of crying. She wanted crackers. And chocolate milk. Apparently, I'm running a damn diner at 1:30 in the morning. I might've said "no," but I so desperately wanted sleep. 


So, at 1:45 in the morning, I found myself in my bed with a very cute - now smiling - 19 month old who was busy licking the peanut butter out of her crackers. She kept telling me how delicious they were and stuffing the licked crackers into my mouth. I'm fairly certain I woke with a few of them stuck to me. I could've said no to all of that nonsense if I wanted to listen to a few more hours of screaming. But, I chose to battle quiet cracker crumbs instead of a screaming toddler. Draw the battle lines. Maybe crumbs in the bed are a hard limit for you. Choose your battles and let things roll when you can. If not, you'll be in an asylum before your kids even hit preschool.


Have a tip to share? Or a crumb catcher? Feel free to leave a comment below...


... & be sure to check back every Tuesday for a new tip!

Nothing Good Comes from a Claire's Make-up Kit

Lucy had a Claire's giftcard leftover from her birthday. So, while I was at a coronation birthday party with Sophie, PJ let Lucy go shopping. Naturally, she bought a make-up kit. Just what every 7 year old needs. Little did I know, she had set up a little make-up station in my living room this morning. These are the results. (I can only be thankful that Charlotte hadn't woken up yet!)

Lucy hard at work on her clients.

Patrick went for the ever-so-fashionable "black-eye/scarface" look.

Sean told me he's a vampire.

And Sophie...who knows??

Of course, Charlotte woke up while I was typing this. Lucy got to her before she had even rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

I'll call this one "Baby Streetwalker."

It's going to be an interesting summer, for sure.

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The Road to Hell...

... is paved with good intentions.


As my summer vacation officially started this morning, here are all of the things I am going to do this summer:

• My laundry. ALL of it. Even the pile that got thrown in the back hall because we were having company and I didn't have time to fold it and now it's been out there for a month and I should donate all of that stuff to Goodwill since we haven't missed it anyway. (Holy run-on sentence, Batman! See what my laundry does to me?)
• Organize the playroom. The one you can't walk into without actually having a climbing license to get over the piles of stuff.
• Have a yard sale (or four) to purge some stuff.
• Not end up on Hoarders. See above.
• Exercise every day. Don't laugh.
• Get my nails done. Because I have had not one, but two gift certificates in my purse for over a year.
• Get my hair cut. See above.
• Do something fun with the kids every day. This is probably the only bullet on this list that will actually happen. But, I suppose that is the way it should be. Kids should trump laundry and cleaning, right?

So, bring on my two months off! (And let's hope September doesn't find me buried under laundry and toys with long hair, gross nails, & a giant ass.)

Cue Alice Cooper...

If you enjoy the blog, why not become a follower? I'm the one who's OUT FOR SUMMER! You can also stalk find me on Facebook and Twitter. Like the page and follow me!

P.S. Don't forget to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs. Click that cute little brown button on my sidebar to vote for me...

And be sure to visit my Zazzle store. You know you want some!

Tuesday's Tip (#9)

Here's a tip for you:

Choose your undergarments wisely.

I know, I know... I've talked about this before.

I found myself in a really precarious position today. I was squeezing myself between two of the computer carts in the technology closet at work so that I could reach for something. I grabbed hold of the projector I was reaching for and tried to get out of the closet. That's when I realized that I had managed to hook my thong - right through my skirt - on one of the hinges on the computer cart. 

So there I was, hanging by my underwear, terrified to move for fear of actually putting a hole in my skirt. I've already gone down that road and I knew I couldn't hide it with this outfit. To make matters worse, I didn't even have my phone handy to text my friend and ask her to rescue me from my own undies.

I did manage to wriggle free, but I've now realized that this event warranted a public service announcement. Don't wear a thong to work. You never know when you'll find yourself hanging by your underwear in a closet.

Have a tip to share? Or some granny panties? Feel free to leave a comment below...

... & be sure to check back every Tuesday for a new tip!

Tuesday's Tip (#8)

Here's a tip for you:

Know what day it is.

• Subtip: Don't fall asleep putting the kids to bed.

Apparently, I fell asleep putting the kids to bed last night. I was "just laying down for a minute." The next thing I knew, it was 4:40 am and I was in my work clothes with my bra still on. Beyond uncomfortable. I thought to myself, "That's ok. I'll just throw on some pajamas and go back to bed." Which would have been fine if it were actually Saturday, like I thought. 

But, no. 

Today is Tuesday. My alarm went off at 4:52 just like it does every other week day. What an awful disappointment.

Have a tip to share? Or a glow-in-the-dark calendar that I can hang on my bedroom wall? Feel free to leave a comment below...

... & be sure to check back every Tuesday for a new tip!

A Special Kind of Torture

Every parent, at some point, whines complains about sleep deprivation. It's like a special badge of honor that needs to be worn with great pride. I never bothered to talk about it too much because I am one of those weird people who survives remarkably well on small amounts of sleep (and extra large coffees). I've been in training since college when I rarely completed an assignment unless it was due the next day.


Lately, though, I'm feeling a little whining coming on. In the last few weeks, Charlotte has developed an endearing new behavior that involves:

• waking up between 1 am and 3 am
• screaming
• crying
• throwing herself on the floor
• being completely inconsolable
• saying 'NO' to anything I ask her
• "Do you want some milk?" "NO!"
• "Do you want me to hold you?" "NO!"
• "Do you want to lay down with me?" "NO!"
• "Do you want some M & M's and a pony ride?" "NO!"
• (At least she's consistent.)

This fun little game usually goes on for a few hours. HOURS. Inevitably, she settles down about 20 minutes before my alarm goes off. That's when she gets all cute. She lays next to me in my bed and says, "Mama, want a kiss?" I say yes, but I'm really thinking that I'd rather punch her in the nose and get those hours of my life back. Then, like a true champ, she falls asleep as my alarm is buzzing. Which means I'm going to go teach small children on two hours sleep. For the second or third time in a week. And then, when work is over, I'll come home to my own preschool that is my family. It's like being a hamster in the Hamster Wheel from Hell. (Side note: doesn't that sound like some kind of screwed up carnival ride at one of those traveling carnivals that sets up in church parking lots? Apparently, I ramble when I'm tired.)

So, here's to hoping it's a phase. Maybe she's growing. Maybe she's teething. Maybe she's just an asshole. (I don't think that last one's true but, if I'm being honest, I do think it in the wee hours of the morning.) Whatever it is, I hope it ends soon. There's nothing like being so tired that you wake up with a hangover - without all the fun of binge drinking.

This is the only thing that is keeping me at some level of function.

If you enjoy the blog, why not become a follower? I'm the one who's up with a screaming toddler. You can also stalk find me on Facebook and Twitter. Like the page and follow me!

P.S. Don't forget to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs. Click that cute little brown button on my sidebar to vote for me...

And be sure to visit my Zazzle store. You know you want some!

Tuesday's Tip (#7)

Here's a tip for you:

Don't be a bag lady.

As the school year is winding down, I am getting lazier and lazier. I haven't been laying out the clothes at night. I haven't been packing the lunches. I haven't packed the diaper bag for the babysitter. This leads to ridiculous morning chaos where I take all kinds of short cuts to get all of us out of the house as close to on time as possible. 

Today, I managed to get all of the kids off to school. Then it was time to get myself ready. I was rushing to get stuff together so I just threw things into shopping bags. I walked out of the house with:

• my computer bag
• my work bag
• my lunch in a plastic bag
• Sean & Charlotte's things in a plastic bag (somewhere I have a fancy diaper bag)
• an extra shirt & shoes for a work function in a plastic bag
• last night's chicken carcass in a plastic bag to go in the trash.

That last one was what sealed the deal on how ridiculous I looked. My big fear was dropping my lunch in the trash can and ending up with a chicken carcass for lunch at school today. Whatever. The school year is almost over. Why bother now?

Have a tip to share? Or an extra large Louis Vuitton you want to lend me? Feel free to leave a comment below...

... & be sure to check back every Tuesday for a new tip!